I'm Leaving This Blank

Monday, March 28, 2011
March was a terrible month for me. at 1:46 PM

As mentioned from my previous post, my beloved grandma passes away.
12 days later, I have another funeral to attend.

And yes, my 爷爷 passed away.
From liver cancer.

It seems like cancer's taking ppl's life away arh. :'(
Ytd was the cremation.
Its very torturous to see the coffin rolling into the incinerator slowly, cant help it but cried.
As the hearse moved slowly, we're suppose to walk a short distance before boarding the bus. I thought of my beloved grandma again. Her death was just a week ago, even my mother's still grieving.

I regretted not spending enough time with my grandmother, this is a regret that I'm gonna live with :'(

One thing I'm thkful is that I get to see my grandpa for the last time before he died because I was at the hospital, with my parents, and relatives accompany my grandfather till his very last breath.

During the wake, it was really infuriating to see ppl playing mahjong while we're having our prayers.
I think that its very rude as they should at least show some respect and continue their game after the prayers.
Then again, my dad's side's relatives are kinda inconsiderate.

I dun get it, why must ppl smoke at a wake ar?
Cant they just stop smoking for that moment? Nv smoke will die? I dun like the idea of being a 2nd hand smoker.
The damage's double, not only that, it causes lung cancer.
Dun they know that ppl are dying of this deadly sickness and they're still being so effing selfish by smoking in the presence of others. Want to get lung cancer, get it urself. Go some other fishing place for a puff, not in front of my family, cos no one wants to inhale ur bloodyfishing smoke. U want to die? go die urself. dun fishing make ppl suffer tgt with u. This is what I call, fishing selfish piece of shit. I dun feel like pin pointing who's the selfish person(s), but my pt is there. no money, dun smoke.
I hope he SEES this. I know its disrespectful to be lecturing someone older than me, however, his problems are implicating my dad. And im not very happy about it. Im not trying to be a bitch here, but you see, he doesn't even wanna help himself by saving money.

I have sooo many things to vent out here. :/

Rest in peace, 阿嫲,爷爷。I'll see u next time. 

Sunday, March 27, 2011
I miss you ahma :( at 12:41 AM

My beloved ahma passed away on the 12th March 2011.

Till now, I still miss her so much. I cant accept the fact that she has to go :(
It was so unfortunate that she was diagnosed with 2 types of cancer.
The deadliest, colon and liver cancer :( (she ate healthily, and nv drinks!) I SRSLY DUNNO WHY PPL WHO BINGE DRINKING DIN GET AND WHY MUST MY GRANDMA SUFFER FROM SUCH A CRUEL SICKNESS?
It took her life away. Before her last days, she was suffering. She din wanna leave all of us, but it was too painful for her to carry on :'(

Thinking of it makes me tear. My grandma dotes on every single person in the family. I rmb the recent CNY. She stood up (she struggled to, as she was sooo much in pain) just to cook her delicious "zup zuan mee sua". Cos she knows alll of us love to eat her mee sua. she always say that I din visit her whenever she cooks it :( thinking of it makes me hate myself sooo much. I was too involved in a stupid waste time and money r/s. So fucking angry with myself. I dun uds why was i so in love with such a bastard last time, neglecting my grandma when she yearns for the whole family to visit her.

My grandma makes the best, the best "KOK ZAI" (peanut in the curry puff form) every CNY, she'll make them and give us a tin each. She nv complains about having to cook this or make this and that for us. She does all these chores happily. With her cute radio beside her.

I rmb I woke up very early just to accompany her as she';s alone at home. She nv allows me to do the chores. She wants to do them by herself. (watering the plants, sweeping the floor) when she's really sick. She ask me to come along to Tamp mart with her as she wanna do some grocery shopping. I held her hands, and we went there tgt.

She din allow me to help her with the groceries. I had to insist. till she gave in and passed me all the heavy bags. She knew that I love her noodles, so she cooked the fried noodles and also made bobochacha for me. Cos she asked me if i like it, so I;ll just agree and told her that anything she cook, i'll love to eat them.

She always pile up alot of food for me when I was younger, and I'll just reject the "vegetarian mock meat". She'll scold me and say that "I dunno how to eat" AHAHA! so adorable.

She's always sick, the jaundice :( she kept insisting that she;s ugly. NO... MY GRANDMA IS STILL VERY PRETTY. <3
From what I know, she's in pain :(

I miss you grandma, so much that whenever I tot of u. I'll cry. :'(

Blogging this entry made me cry too. :'(

I hope u're fine, up there in heaven. :D

I'll see u again.

I love you.

Thursday, March 3, 2011



Tuesday, March 1, 2011
VDAY Surprise from me to my boyfriend and bf to me :) at 6:35 PM


To all who's in love, who're single (it ok... yours will come soon) and friends/families :)


All these were the surprise pictures :D

He gave me an awesome Vday, awesome companion, awesome food with the one you love.
Who says Vday should be spent in expensive restaurants, go on extravagant meals and receiving pricey flowers and presents?

I love simplicity, and most of all, being comfortable with the one you love :)

Thks baby mouse, you're the best I ever had. And im the luckiest girl in the world.



About Me

Ng Ee Xuan. 19.11.1991. For shoots and enquiries, please email me at: eexuan91@live.com.sg




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